Timeout and the art of slowing down

A new approach to finding stillness

Remember when you were a kid, if you or your sibling were acting naughty, and the consequence was a timeout? You would be sent to a room or a corner, devoid of any stimulation. You’d stare at a wall, think about what you’d done, maybe cry a little. You were only allowed back once you’d collected yourself.

It’s a simple system, and honestly, kind of genius.

As adults, no one is telling us to take a timeout, but sometimes it makes sense. If you’re feeling overly emotional, frustrated, or anxious, try it out. I did this the other day for ten minutes and despite its simplicity, I honestly felt like I discovered fire.

For me, a timeout looked like this: I sat on a cushioned bench, with a clock nearby, and my phone on do not disturb and on the other side of the room. These days, we’re so used to turning to our phones to numb emotions, but timeout forces you to self-soothe.

What follows may be fidgeting, perhaps a phantom phone vibration, and probably some mind chatter: “Work is unfair”, or “she didn’t respond”, or “they are hanging without me”, and so on. Whatever has you frustrated, let yourself feel all the things in timeout.

If it feels overwhelming, close your eyes and focus on the sensations of your body and breath: Notice the rise of your chest or stomach on an inhale, and the softening of an exhale. Allow yourself to feel the sensations of your butt on the furniture, or your hands on your lap. This helps anchor the mind by grounding it in the present—because the body is always here and now.

Meditation Rebranded

Although this is essentially meditation, calling it a timeout removes the pressure to do it perfectly. You don’t need a fancy cushion or the perfect mantra; all you need is ten minutes alone. While meditation can sometimes feel daunting or complex, taking a timeout may feel simpler and more actionable.

In an ideal world, we’d be like horses following a carrot without a stick. The reality is we sometimes need the stick—the kick in the ass to get moving. That’s why going to timeout when you’re feeling wound up, might actually feel more approachable than saying, just meditate, brother. Timeout provides a bigger sense of urgency, and perhaps familiarity.

Taking a timeout is an effective way to help children calm down by removing stimuli and parental attention. And since we’re all just big kids at heart, finding stillness without our phone’s constant bid for attention can feel activating—almost like a threat to our safety. Yet, it’s through this discomfort that we begin to learn stillness and boredom aren’t things to fear.

Adds *timeout to the list

Brain Stuff

Although you may not actively think that being still will kill you, there is good reason to believe your nervous system might be receiving that message anyway. When you’re constantly on the move—scrolling, working, checking your phone, jumping from one task to the next—your body is in a perpetual state of hyper-arousal.

The problem is your brain doesn’t differentiate between real threats, like being chased by a tiger, and perceived threats, like an overflowing inbox or a nagging sense of FOMO. To your nervous system, the effect is the same: your cortisol spikes, heart races, and mind stays on high alert.

Sitting still feels unnatural because your body has been conditioned to associate inactivity with vulnerability. From an evolutionary perspective, staying alert keeps us safe—it’s the brain’s way of protecting us. But that same survival instinct is why so many people feel restless, fidgety, or anxious when they try to relax, or perhaps even when eating.

Childhood Considerations

The connection between stillness and fear may also stem from childhood. If quiet moments as a child were tied to being left alone or unprotected, it makes sense that stillness now feels uncomfortable. Alternatively, if you grew up in a chaotic or unpredictable household, there may be a sense of safety associated with being busy. Being on alert not only keeps your mind occupied but also offers a (false or not) sense of control over your environment.

Take a moment to reflect —if that sounds like your upbringing —how it might be affecting your current discomfort in being still; which is effectively what you need to master before you can slow down.

Furthermore, many of us were taught from a young age that slowing down was essentially being lazy. Maybe the first way we came to understand our parents was through their hard work and sacrifice. Or perhaps they constantly reminded you of what they gave up to provide you an easier life.

When the guilt of rest is reinforced

It is honorable to make money for your family, and to make an impact on the world takes hard work and discipline. I’m not advocating for rest that ignores responsibilities, but for rest that helps you show up as the best version of yourself. For many, self-care is not an act of self-indulgence, but self-preservation.

Influencers

There is a lot of content online about how to do more: How to be more productive, how to have more muscles, how to be more beautiful, how to gain more streams of income, etc. This content has its place, and there is a certain value associated with helping people to achieve more in their life.

But how many influencers are teaching the overachievers how to relax properly? How to go on a date and not think about work? How to enjoy a movie without checking your phone every 10 minutes? Effectively, how to be present with a sense of ease and satisfaction.

As your local yogi, therapist, and timeout enthusiast, I have practiced slowing down in varied settings, and believe that being present is a practice that takes intention and insight. Next time you are sitting in timeout, pause and look within to see what is fueling the constant drive. Is it childhood conditions, genetics, or could it be the ingestion of a stimulant?

Drugs

If you find yourself struggling to turn off your brain it might be worth exploring whether caffeine is part of the problem.

Caffeine is the most commonly consumed drug / stimulant in the world, which means we often don’t question its effects! I didn’t realize I was sensitive to it until I stopped drinking coffee for a week as a self-experiment. The difference was immediately detectable, and I noticed my anxiety dropped considerably.

Because I love coffee, and all things in moderation, I didn’t quit caffeine entirely. I did however become much more intentional about how I consume caffeine. Now, I try to wait 60 minutes after waking, have some protein first, and often have just half a mug. These small adjustments, though seemingly restrictive, allow me to enjoy coffee while not compromising my ability to turn off my brain later in the day.

Last but not least, The Braverman Personality Test was recommended to me by my psychopharmacology professor in grad school, and is the best $20 test you can take to understand potential neurotransmitter (chemical) imbalances. For me, it helped identify a GABA deficiency, which led me to incorporate more magnesium-rich foods (bananas, oats, almonds) into my diet, and to try a magnesium supplement—all of which has helped me reduce anxiety, improve sleep onset time, and support rest and digest functions.

Conclusion

Rest is important. I’m not advocating for rest that ignores responsibilities, but for intentionally unwinding and letting go of guilt. The ability to turn off the brain’s thinking center is directly related to the ability to be still. To be present is to be where your body is — use your breath as a guide to be in the here-and-now. Practice stillness by putting yourself in timeout. Ten minutes a day is a guideline but adapt as you see fit. Your productivity can be amazing and know that it does not define you. You deserve it all.

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